The holidays are a joyful time for some – but for others, family can be a living, breathing nightmare. Janna Johnson, the author of “Unf*ck Your Mind”, discusses how hardship led her to emotional resilience in dealing with toxic people—even during the holidays.
The holiday season is a time accompanied by joy, laughter, delicious food, cozy decorations, celebrations, and more. Yet, for others, the holidays may be a warning sign for one of the most complicated stressors we humans face: family dynamics.
While on the subject, it is critical to acknowledge that the word “family” can mean something different to everyone. No family looks alike – someone’s family may extend beyond their relatives and include close friends.
Upon this complex time of the year approaching, I sat down with Janna Johnson, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, Mindset Coach, author of #3 Amazon Best-Selling Book Unf*ck Your Mind: Shatter Limiting Beliefs to Become Who You Were Meant to Be, and podcast host of #3 Top Apple Show (Nutrition) and #5 Top Show (Health & Fitness) in USA, Revive with Janna, to discuss her personal familial experiences as well as tips on how to manage toxic personalities.
Johnson went through something that hundreds of thousands of people can relate to, which was navigating her first holiday without her children. Following the divorce from her former husband, both parties agreed to spend 50% of their time with their kids. This would mean that Johnson would have to alternate holidays with her husband, and the very first season of this took a major toll on her mental health. She explained, “It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I felt like I was suffocating with heartbreak and sadness. I learned so much during the first holiday season. Finding positives in a situation of so much darkness was fundamental in getting me through it. I would allow myself to cry and express my raw emotions, but I wouldn’t let it linger. I would cling onto positive entities or mantras in my life, and I learned to love the simplicity of whichever holiday I was without my kids.”
She shared this personal anecdote with me to reveal her superpower and how she managed to persevere through this hardship, which is the art of finding good in every situation. It is the way she claims to have gotten through this heartbreak with her family, how she managed to battle Lyme disease, as well as so many other unfair situations life handed to her.
Through this experience of navigating a divorce and a new life with her children, she also learned a few quintessential strategies in dealing with a narcissistic personality – something she endured with her ex-husband.
“I know firsthand how stressful the holidays can be for people. Whether someone is going through what I did with losing precious time with their kids or dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse or family member, I think these tips can be applied to almost any situation,” says Johnson.
Here are the key takeaways from our conversation:
- First and foremost, know the warning signs and qualities of a narcissist. One of the most critical components to dealing with a narcissist in one’s life is to recognize the proper traits or warning signs. For example, narcissists are usually not able to be empathetic to an extent, tend to have a grandiose sense of self, exhibit entitled behavior or arrogance, and can use manipulative tactics on others to get what they want.
- Disengage or choose to not engage with a narcissist in the first place. This may be unrealistic if you do not know if the person obtains narcissistic qualities, but if you get a sense they do, disengage with them immediately. You may feel like you can fix them, but the unfortunate truth is that is not possible (not to say if said person went to therapy they would not be able to change their behavior, but that’s for a different conversation).
- Avoid getting overly emotional or emotionally vulnerable around a narcissist. Being emotionally vulnerable is a fundamental part of human connectivity. The problem is that narcissists lack empathy. As such, they will not be able to understand or connect with you in any way, which could leave you feeling ashamed, self-conscious, or empty after trying to open up to them. Save these encounters for your healthy relationships in life.
- Always remember, a narcissist’s projections are simply an admission of their own truth. It is possible for those with narcissistic tendencies to put others around them down, or even engage in offensive, bully-like behavior. This kind of behavior should in no circumstance ever be condoned. However, a way to help make sense of why someone may be acting in this manner is to understand that whatever the narcissist is negatively projecting onto you is really a shaded reaction to their own sense of self.
As Johnson lived and now promotes, she recommends to try and always find the positive in whatever situation you are in: even if it is something incredibly small. With that small shift of mindset and the abovementioned strategies of steering clear, understanding warning signs, and avoiding overly emotional conversations, Johnson believes you can get through this holiday season more easily than ever before.
Now, through her brand, Revive by Janna, as well as her first published work, Unf*ck Your Mind, Johnson has made it her life’s mission to help people who may be dealing with sadness or toxic family members this holiday season and beyond.
You can learn more about Revive by Janna and how to get on the path to feeling your best self by visiting her website. Or, find a copy of her book Unf*ck Your Mind here.
